All In.

Having one foot in Western Medicine and the other foot in Eastern Medicine has been (and continues to be!) an emotional roller coaster.

The West Side: After my second round of lab work (and the incompetence of my OB), I scheduled a second opinion with a GYN-- I met with her last Monday. She didn't have all my records from my OB, but based on the numbers I gave her, she told me to take the results very seriously. The lab results do suggest I have Premature Ovarian Failure (POF), and me taking these results "very seriously" means that I (we) should abandon all pregnancy prevention efforts because if I want to have a second child, this might be my only chance, if it isn't already too late. Very worrisome news. POF means menopause. At age 32. Menopause. And if this is in fact an accurate diagnosis, I will need to consider bone density scans and mammograms- because with menopause, comes risks associated with osteoporosis and breast cancer. The GYN and I talked about my lab work, and also the ultrasound I had performed back in November. She asked me if I ever saw it.. no. But the OB said it was 'normal'. But the same OB also said my most recent lab results were 'normal' which was far from accurate. So was the ultrasound actually 'normal'?! Needless to say, my OB will be surrendering all of those records to my GYN for further investigation. And the GYN wants to send me for additional testing. Apparently there is an autoimmune disease, where your body (by some influence-- even something as simple as a new food allergy!) produces antibodies that trick your hormones into a false menopause. The bottomline is, the GYN needs to see all of my records, and the additional test results so that we can figure out a plan forward. Which may or may not include her referring me to a specialist.

So obviously I left that appointment feeling very depressed. I felt that I needed to start preparing my self to accept a path that I would have never chosen for myself. In other words, I needed to accept that my toddler son may be my one and only. Not an easy feat. And what's more, I needed to go home and have a conversation with the hubs about our fertile future. If now is our only chance, he needed to be aware and get on board! That conversation was tough to approach, but I told him everything I know. He was nervous about my serious tone about us needing to talk, and at the end, he said it was a lot of information to process and he needed to think.. which in my mind means he needs time to worry about money and affording another kid. Sigh, men. We'll need to continue our conversation, but we have some time. It's not like we can go home and make a baby tonight; my ovulation phase has already occurred this cycle. But I think it would be value added if he attends my next GYN appointment with me so we can listen and talk with the doctor together.

The Western Doc was very honest according to my lab results, but here's what I gained from the Eastern Doc:

The East Side: I recently completed 9 sessions with my Acupuncturist and the two of us had high hopes that with the little time we've had together, we would see a positive influence in my test results. No suck luck. Although we have seen his influence positively affect my cycles. They are now a standard length, no break through bleeding, bi-phasic basal body temperature shifting-- all good stuff! He knew the emotional state I was in when I arrived-- angry, sad, frustrated, anxious-- pretty much all negative without an ounce of optimism. So he prepared for our session with a compilation of literature and data for POF patients. First and foremost, he re-emphasized that in the Chinese Medicine, lab tests are certainly helpful, however, TCM care should concentrate on the Patterns first. For instance, women with POF have the following symptoms: vaginal dryness, hot flashes, night sweats, two consecutive FSH scores >40, no period or very short cycle, no ovulation... I, on the other hand, do not have any issues with vaginal dryness (quite the opposite, actually!), no hot flashes, no night sweats, both of my FSH scores have been 28/29, my cycles are 32 days with confirmed ovulation around CD 16.. so my patterns doesn't match my lab results. What does that mean?? Dr. E continues to feel very confident and optimistic that my body is experiencing a miscommunication.

So I left this appointment feeling very optimistic and positive about my situation. An emotion 180 degrees different from the feelings I had leaving the GYN. The good news is that my Western GYN and the Eastern Acupuncturist have a history of working together and respecting one another's practice. I feel like Western Docs take a 'plan for the worst, hope for the best' approach based soley on science and statistical data, but Eastern Docs--  they take a more holistic approach with a much reduced concern for science and statistical data and emphasis on actual symptoms or lack thereof. And about my lab results-- you know I never had these levels tested before conceiving my son.. I really wonder if they were in 'normal' range, or if my FSH has always run high. I mean, if I had had these same charts back in November, I would have never thought to see my OB with concerns...

Where to start.

I got my results back. Not good news. I called my OB for them last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, but because the OB hadn't reviewed them or signed off on them, they weren't able to release them. So I waited. Until Thursday. The conversation went something like this: 

Tech: All your hormone levels are in normal range. 

Me: Really?! Great! What are the numbers??

Tech: FSH is 28. 

Me: Wait.. what?! 8 weeks ago that number was 29 and you told me that was ‘elevated’. And isn’t that number supposed to be below 10??

Tech: uh… I’m gonna need to leave a note for the doctor. 

Me: What is my estrogen?

Tech: 15. 

Me: That number was 21 before and you said that was low. Now it’s 15?? How is that normal????

Tech: I’ll leave another note for the doctor.

Three days later and I'm still waiting to hear from that OB. 

I wasted no time on Thursday making an appointment with a different doctor. A GYN. She doesn't deliver babies but specializes in womens health issues. I was seeing her back in 2009 until I became pregnant with my son; she's honest and thorough. Just what I need. I think. I spent an hour with her this morning going over my history and recent labs. She fully agrees that my results are not "normal" and is very concerned. Being frank, these results suggest perimenopause and a rapid decline in fertility. Although she's sending me for additional tests, she says we need to take these results "very seriously", so serious, in fact, that we shouldn't waste anymore time preventing pregnancy. ::crickets::

Seriously?! I'm 32 years old!! My mother didn't go through menopause until her mid- 50's. My grandmothers were having babies into their 40s! I should have another 20 years before having to touch this subject! :( 

But here I am. Preparing myself to have the conversation of a lifetime with my husband. I'm terrified. I can already hear him saying, "I don't want another baby", "we can't afford another baby"... But here I am. On the clock. This might be our last chance.. if it already isn't too late.