Falling from cloud 9.

I can’t believe this happened to me. I’m a healthy young woman. I eat clean, I exercise often, and two years ago, I had a healthy pregnancy which resulted in a VERY healthy 9lb8oz baby boy. And yet, ever since I read “Pregnant” on the display of my home pregnancy test, I knew something wasn’t right.  We weren’t ‘trying’ to get pregnant, so for nearly a trimester I glowed for a baby I termed, “meant to be”.

On July 10th, a 10 week ultrasound showed no baby. Just an empty gestational sac. Medically diagnosed as a ‘Blighted Ovum’.  At one time, there was a fertilized egg, but for unknown reasons (most likely chromosomal issues) it never developed into an embryo. Meanwhile, my body has been nourishing an empty sac for nearly a trimester, as if it were actually pregnant.  Turns out, my ‘meant to be’ baby that I already loved so much, wasn’t meant to be.

As I’ve said before, I’ve always known something was off. With my first pregnancy, I experienced every sign and symptom under the sun; however, during this pregnancy, my signs and symptoms have been very minimal. While that is perfectly okay for some women—and many pregnancies are viable and healthy with no signs or symptoms (I’ve seen the TV show, I didn’t know I was pregnant), my gut feelings were that something was wrong. Even the morning of my 10 week ultrasound, while preparing to leave work for my appointment I thought, “I should take all my stuff with me in case I get bad news”.  Even with those gut feelings, I wasn’t prepared to see an empty sac.

With my condition, my OB gave me two options: surgery (D&C) or to wait out a natural miscarriage. I chose the latter due to the risks associated with a D&C. I realize the surgery is a common ‘fix’ and I understand the benefit to one’s emotional health; however, I’m not comfortable with the risk of scar tissue that may threaten future fertility and/or pregnancies. And having the surgery greatly reduces my chances of attempting a VBAC if I have another child in the future. So I opted to wait. Thirteen days later, I was an emotional wreck. How much longer can this take?? Why hasn’t it happened yet?? How much longer am I capable (emotionally) of waiting??

Thankfully I didn’t have to wait much longer because the very next day, Tuesday, July 24th at 2pm I started bleeding. I immediately left work, picked up my son, and headed home, not knowing what to expect next. Twenty-four hours later, I was breathing through contraction every 4 mins! I alternated between the hot shower, my bed with a heating pad, and simply sitting on the commode. I passed a lot of what appeared to be shredded tissue and some clots. This went on for about 4 hours, and that night, I was comfortable and slept well, convinced that the worst was behind me. Unfortunately, I could not have been more wrong.

I woke up early Thursday morning and got my son ready for school. I was a little sore from all the contractions the previous day so my mom volunteered to take my son to school while I stayed home to rest. Twenty mins later the contractions were back. They started at 3 mins apart but they were hitting me hard! Instead of breathing through contractions, I was howling through them, and soon they started coming about a minute a part! The scary part was that there wasn’t any blood. I wasn’t passing any tissue, clots, or even bleeding at all. I tried to find comfort in a hot bath, but nothing alleviated the pain, and I (and my mother!) grew increasingly concerned about the fact I have all this pain and absolutely no blood or matter being passed! My mom worried I had an infection or even a misdiagnosed ectopic pregnancy! After a phone call to the doctor, and our own assessment, we decided to head off to the ER.

The hospital is about a 20 min drive from my home. Longest car ride ever. I struggled to get comfortable in my mother’s Mercedes; my poor mom’s task of driving wasn’t easy either. I howled most of the way, my contractions were seconds apart and in those seconds I started dry heaving. The pain was unbearable; I felt like my body was breaking in half- and there were many moments in which I thought to myself, “I should tell my mom to just pull over on the side of the road and call 911”.  About 15 minutes into the drive, I delivered what can only be described as a large jellyfish, the pain subsided, and then I started gushing blood so it was lucky that we arrived at the ER shortly after!

I resembled a murder victim. Thank God I had my mother cover her car seats in towels! An Emergency Room nurse came out to the car with a wheel chair to carry me inside. We waited in a small private room for a few minutes while I signed some paper work before being assigned to a room in the ER. Although the contractions and pain subsided once I passed the sac, they returned several minutes later, not as severe, but still very intense and requiring more than my breath to endure. I couldn’t remain confined to a hospital bed; I needed to be standing up, leaning over, nearly squatting. I could not have been more blessed with the ER Staff that morning to support me. The nurses and doctor were all so attentive, caring, and respectful. They allowed me to do what I needed to do, and the nurses cleaned me up at each opportunity. I got an IV inserted so I could get some powerful pain medication in my system which really helped calm my senses. I was sore, exhausted—the best way to describe how I felt is ‘roadkill’. The ER doctor performed an internal exam to ensure there wasn’t any tissue or material stuck or blocking the vaginal canal so we could move forward with having an ultrasound performed. The doctor discussed the ultrasound results with my OB (who resides in the same building as Cape Canaveral Hospital) and then consulted with me prior to my discharge.

The scan showed that my uterus was pretty clean, except for a tiny sac (measuring 5 mm). I don’t have all the details yet (I follow up with my doctor tomorrow, July 31, 2012 at 830 am), but I fear this means I had two empty sacs. I lost two babies. I’m not sure what the prognosis is: will my body absorb this tiny sac? Will it be expelled with the remainder of the material? I spent the weekend resting, staying out of Florida’s hot summer weather, and drinking lots of water so my body can heal and replace all the blood cells I’m losing. I haven’t slept much. I’m not tired, and every time I close my eyes I have nightmares. I’m still a little sore, and tired, and emotional (ß I’m sure that last one is the pregnancy hormones working their way out of my system). But I returned to work today because I can use the distraction.