Last Thursday.

I’m nervous today. Like when I was in school and I knew I’d be hearing about my grade on a big paper I had to write or a tough exam. I’m anxiously waiting to hear back from my OB about the blood test I took last Thursday. It was a follow up test to the one I took the week of Thanksgiving last year that came back telling me *premature ovarian failure* *menopause* and *infertility*. The prognosis to those results was ‘test again in 6 weeks’ and although the first week of the new year marked 6 weeks, my Acupuncturist requested that I wait and test on the 3rd day of my cycle.. which was last Thursday.

I’m nervous because I really want to hear that my hormone levels have returned to a normal range. I want to hear that estradiol is high and FSH is low. We also tested LH, but I’m not sure what a normal range is for that hormone. What if they haven’t improved though? What if they are still imbalanced? I will be more accepting if they are unbalanced yet better than previous results.. but what if they’re worse? How will that news affect me?

Dr. E has been very supportive in the weeks leading up to this follow up blood test. He confidently reinforces the fact that less than ideal results are not a bad thing. The blood test will give him data that he can then use to ‘course correct’. The data will either confirm that what he’s doing is right and working, or tell him he needs to tweak his methods. I respect his logic, and have reminded myself of his perspective several times over the last few weeks when I need something to control the crazy.

I’m actually feeling optimistic. Last month’s cycle was very nearly normal: it was biphasic showing a rise in BBT post ovulation; ovulation was confirmed on CD17 by both OPK strips and the post ovulation BBT rise; my cycle lasted 33 days which is much improved from the previous 40 day cycle; the cycle had a 14 day luteal phase with BBTs staying above the coverline. I only have a few concerns: although I had plenty of fertile fluid, my cervix was not high and open on the day I ovulated; and I spotted a few days before my actual period flow started.  Dr. E feels very strongly that my body is experiencing some sort of miscommunication, and that acupuncture will help reset/reboot everything. And I feel very passionate that the 9 sessions we’ve had together so far have been doing nothing but good things! I no longer have any breakthrough bleeding, my anxiety is better managed, my periods aren’t as painful, and this last cycle being so nearly normal speaks for itself! So hopefully all these good things will bring me good news today or soon!