71.

71. That is my hormone level, or at least it WAS my level a week ago, last Wednesday. But, my period definitely started on Monday so the doctor said there is no reason to test again. Just monitor my cycles, document anything unusual, and call them if I have any questions. It's weird, I thought I would have more closure; like this giant dark sad feeling would magically leave when my period returned. It hasn't. And now I fear I'll only feel truly healed when I get pregnant with a healthy baby. :/

This weekend is Labor Day weekend, and had my pregnancy been healthy and viable, I would have had my 20 week anatomy scan and learned whether I'd be welcoming another baby boy or a little girl into our family. I wish I could forget about these milestones. I think having remembered that, it has made this week more difficult to live through. And now I'm worried I'll suffer the same emotional torment come February 1st, my projected due date. :(

The hubs and I have planned a weekend escape to Miami though. I hope I can get outside of my head and enjoy the trip. The baby and dogs are set to stay with my parents for the weekend. I haven't really left Drummer Boy for more than 1 night, and even though this is only a 2 night trip, I'm nervous about it. I'm sure he'll be fine, I'm not really worried about him, I'm worried about me and missing him. Already, I can't wait until Sunday when I get to come home to him. <3