Lately I feel.

That's it. I just 'feel'.

I have a tremendous amount of work stress.. in the form impossible tasks and unrealistic due dates. Not to mention all the fires I'm responsible for putting out each day. Imagine fighting 10 fires with only enough water for 5! Also, my period started this week, the second one since my miscarriage in July. And also, two close girlfriends had new babies on Wednesday of this week.

So I've been doing a lot of 'feeling'. And lately my mood swings from sad and anxious to insecure and angry. Unfortunately, I can't say that I've felt very happy lately, or even a little happy lately. Well maybe a little happy when I pick up my son from daycare and we sing the theme song to Little Einsteins at the tops of our lungs in the car ride home!

With the onset of my second cycle post July miscarriage, I realized I didn't do an outstanding job charting my first cycle. In fact, I'm not even sure I ovulated last month. My lack of attention to detail surprises me considering how anxious I am to know that my body is 'normal' after everything that happened. So I've reverted back to my Bible: Taking Charge of Your Fertility. This book taught me more than I've ever known about my own body, and I'm back to charting temperature, cervical position/mucus, and other symptoms. Both of my periods have been relatively normal, and my first cycle ended up being 28 days sharp (usually my cycle fluctuates between 28-32 days).

Maybe it's all the pregnant people surrounding me; maybe it's my two close friends that had babies this week.. but I'm really anxious to have the 'when can we have another baby?' talk with the hubs. I'm so ready: my contract at work was recently extended, there is a possibility that I will be getting a raise soon, I've changed some habits in the last couple of months and been able to put $1000 in savings each month (!!), Max is heading out of diapers soon AND out of his crib, I want to have another one that's close in age to Max-- I really rely on my younger brother (3 years younger) and I know he relies on me and I want Max to have a similar sibling relationship! I want him to have someone he can play with and fight with, someone he can protect and someone who has his back.. someone he can talk about things with that he can't talk to his parents about-- all the things I value in my relationship with my brother. Further, I can't help but think, as a family, this is our life together. We should support one another with everything we want to achieve in life! Now I just have to see if the hubs agrees.